Becoming a Gentleman

Your First Fine Writing Instrument

2010-03-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

OK, so you’ve decided to start writing more. You’ve upgraded from printer and notebook paper to actual writing paper, maybe even commissioned your own personalized stationery. The next step is to get rid of that disposable Bic pen and get a writing instrument that matches the quality of your new stationery and intentions!

When considering your first fine writing instrument, there are a lot of considerations to take into account. Perhaps the first you’ll run into is choosing between a rollerball and a fountain pen. The good news is that most quality manufacturers offer their pen lines in both options.

Generally, a fountain pen will give your writing more “flow” and, because it is pressure sensitive, will also give you wider horizontal strokes and narrower vertical strokes. This adds a nice sense of personality to your writing (a bit like calligraphy). A rollerball will give you a very uniform stroke no matter which direction it is in.
Another difference to consider will come when refilling your pen. With a rollerball pen you will simply swap out the ink cartridge (which includes the writing tip) whereas with a fountain pen you have a couple options. The first is to use ink cartridges. These look a bit like bullet casings and are disposable much like the rollerball cartridges. The other option is to use a refillable converter, which basically turns the pen into a syringe for refill from an inkbottle. If you plan to use your pen quite a bit, a converter is the way to go, as it’s a cheaper option over time.

Your decision will ultimately boil down to three considerations: duration (how much you plan to write at a time), frequency (how often you plan to write) and aesthetics (how you like your handwriting to look).

Duration: This is an important consideration from a comfort standpoint. Since a fountain pen is based on ink flow to transfer the ink to paper, it requires less pressure and therefore can be comfortable to use for long periods of time. A rollerball by contrast, requires much more pressure to transfer the ink from ball to paper. The pressure needed can quickly result in hand fatigue and discomfort.

Frequency: How often you plan to write will impact the maintenance of your pen. If left unused for significant periods of time, a fountain pen will start to dry out and will at the very least require a thorough cleaning before it can be used again.

Aesthetics: Fountain pens will produce a distinctive aesthetic that may or may not work for you. If you struggle with penmanship, a fountain pen will highlight your flaws but also force you over time to correct them. Essentially, using a fountain pen is an investment in your handwriting.

If you decide to go with a fountain pen, here are some additional things to consider:

Nib Size: The nib is the split point at the end of the pen from which the ink flows. The options vary by manufacturer (not all may be offered) but include extra-fine, fine, medium, broad and extra-broad. Obviously extra-fine and fine points will produce finer lines while the broad and extra-broad nibs will produce wetter, wider lines. For everyday use, I’d recommend a fine or medium nib.

Nib Construction: Most entry-level fountain pens have stainless steel nibs while more expensive pens use gold plated or solid gold nibs. While very durable and consistent, stainless steel is also fairly stiff and won’t have as even or smooth of a flow as the gold nibs. As a result, stainless steel nibs can sometimes write with what is best described as a “scratchy” sensation. While gold nibs are more even and smooth, they are also less durable and more susceptible to damage from inadequate care.

Refill: As described above, there are two options for refill: cartridge or converter. Most modern pens come cartridge ready out of the box and many include the converter if you choose to use that instead. Some pens however require you to purchase the converter separately, something to consider when you buy it.

New or Vintage: While there is some appeal to finding a vintage fountain pen if you choose this route, proceed with caution. Nibs are inherently flexible and therefore over time will take on the “personality” of your writing style, molding to your handwriting. Once a pen has adopted its owner’s style, it can be problematic for other users. This is also a good reason not to allow other people to use your pen regularly as this can affect the development of your nib.

For under $150, here are a few fountain pen recommendations.

Parker Sonnet: A nice, traditionally styled fountain pen with great performance at a very reasonable price point. Comes in a variety of colors and in both 18K solid gold and gold plated nib options that offer very smooth ink flow. In my opinion, the gold plated Sonnet outperforms everything else in its price range. List price: $240 (18K solid gold), $105 (gold plated).

Lamy Studio: A Swiss pen with a more modern design and a unique “propeller” styled clip. Comes in both 14K gold and stainless steel nibs. A nice option if you want something with a bit more of a modern look. List Price: $135 (14K gold), $85 (stainless steel).

Faber Castell Ambition: From the German company credited with the invention of the No. 2 pencil, this pen is uniquely designed with a combination of pearwood and chrome. This is a great option for someone who wants to make a statement with their pen choice. Also comes in a variety of brushed resin color options if the wood finish is not your thing. List Price: $110 (stainless steel nib, converter not included).

Pelikan Souveran 200: Timeless design, durable construction and a nice gold plated nib offer great value. Features a built-in piston filling system with transparent, see through ink tank. $110 (gold plated nib).

For a first fountain pen, we recommend sticking to a budget of about $150. While better performing pens are available, at higher price ranges you’ll start paying for design, exotic materials and branding and until you know for sure that a fountain pen is for you, they are probably not worth the investment. If you want to buy one, check out the mecca of fine writing instruments: NYC's Fountain Pen Hospital. www.FountainPenHospital.com

The History Behind Gentlemanly Action

2010-03-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wonder why we gentleman do the things we do? At Forgetful Gentleman, we’ve always been fascinated by the origins of the gentlemanly actions we conduct every day. In some cases, understanding where our cultural norms come from can give us a renewed appreciation for them. In other cases, it just makes for fun trivia. Either way, we hope you’ll find these historical tidbits as interesting as we do. At the very least they make for great cocktail conversation fodder!

Why do we escort women on our left arm?

When a man escorts his partner, tradition has it that he offers his left arm. This tradition originates from medieval times when men escorted women around town and through the fields. Should a threat arise or the women’s honor require defending, the man’s sword hand (his right hand) would be free, giving him quick and easy access to his sword, worn on his left side.

To this day, the left arm rule still applies while indoors. However, with the rise of wheeled vehicles and non-pedestrian streets, the proper escorting etiquette evolved over the years for outdoor environments. Today, when escorting a women outdoors, you should position yourself on the outside (closest to the street) to protect her from traffic, mud splashing, etc.

Why are the bottom buttons of our suit jackets and blazers never to be fastened?

This fashion guideline is typically attributed to King Edward VII, the British monarch from 1901 until his death in 1910. Quite the gourmand, King Edward loved his food so much that the royal tailors often had trouble keeping up with his ballooning figure. One day, seeking reprieve from the confining constriction of his waistcoat, King Edward casually unbuttoned the bottom button. At that time, the King set the fashion trends and when members of his court saw his new look, they quickly emulated it. The fad spread like wildfire and within weeks unbuttoned bottom buttons were found everywhere.

We continue to honor the memory of Edward the Wide to this day. Modern suit jackets and blazers are actually designed to cutaway at the hips with the bottom button left undone. Buttoning it results in unsightly pulling and bunching of fabric at the waist and disapproving looks from your fellow gentlemen.

Why do we give toasts?

In ancient Greece, being poisoned was a real and constant fear. In order to allay this fear, at a party, the host would pour wine for his guests and then take the first drink and toast everyone to show that the wine was safe to drink. Incidentally, the term “toast” also comes from this tradition. Toasting is a reference to the toasted bread that ancient Greeks dipped into their wine to cut the acidity.

Where did the custom of removing or tipping a hat as a sign of respect come from?

In medieval times, knights often encountered each other in full armor making it difficult to distinguish friend from foe. As a sign of friendliness, knights would lift their helmet visors, showing their faces to one another. The custom of tipping ones hat to another, as a symbol of politeness, is a direct descendent of this medieval practice. Interesting note: the modern military salute shares the same origin.

Why do we give flowers to communicate our feelings of love, friendship, grief, sympathy and congratulations?

In the 1700’s, Charles II of Sweden returned from Persia, bringing with him the custom of “the language of flowers” to Europe. Different flowers communicated different sentiments or meanings to the point that entire conversations were carried out through the sending and receiving of flower bouquets. Today we usually communicate our intent overtly with an attached note or card but the custom of sending flowers endures.

Do you know the history behind your favorite gentlemanly etiquette? Share it with us in the comments section; we’d love to hear it!

A Gentleman does Valentine's Day

2010-02-11T10:01:00.000-08:00

For the gentleman, Valentine's Day presents a unique opportunity to stand out and make an impact. The key is making anything you do personal. Here are a few tips on how to wow your significant other this year:

Don't buy a generic card, write an old fashioned love letter.
Your usual last minute stop at Hallmark on your way home from work just won't cut it. Let her know how you really feel with an old fashioned love letter. Write from the heart. Believe us, write anything more than
"Happy Valentine's Day" and she'll be enthralled. Add a surprise element by slipping it into the mailbox or stack of mail on the 14th.

A love letter from Beethovan to an unknown woman.
And you thought you had bad handwriting.

Don't take her to dinner, cook her your signature meal.
There's nothing special about taking a women out to a restaurant, even if it is more expensive than your usual haunts. A man in the kitchen on the other hand, is a strong and welcome gesture. Cook her your signature dish and she'll be eating right out of your hand. Don't have one? Try this romantic 3-course meal.

Don't buy her chocolates, make your own.
Is there anything more cliche than store bought chocolate on Valentine's Day? Turn the expected into the unexpected by making your own gourmet chocolates at home. While it requires a bit of patience, the end result will melt your special someone's heart. Here are directions to make your own decadent melted center chocolate truffles:

Make the truffle center
- Stir 8 oz of semi-sweet chocolate chips, 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 tablespoon of brown sugar and 3 to 4 tablespoons of rum over medium-low heat until melted and thoroughly mixed.
- Chill in the fridge until firm. A few hours to overnight.
- Mold into spheres. A melon scoop works great or you can carefully use your hands. If it sticks, use a bit of confectioners sugar.
- Place on a lined sheet pan and return to fridge.

Melt and temper the chocolate for the coating
- Bring a pot of water to a boil then reduce the heat to a simmer.
- Place a large, heat proof bowl over the pot to make a double boiler (make sure the water doesn't touch the bowl and that no steam or condensation can enter the bowl).
- Stir your 8 oz of milk chocolate chips in the bowl until melted and over 105°F (41°C).
- Once your chocolate is melted, you'll need to temper it. Basically, tempering chocolate ensures that when cooled it will form a dense crystalline structure, resulting in hard, brittle chocolate.
- The easiest way to temper chocolate is to remove the melted chocolate from heat and add a piece of unmelted chocolate. Mix until the chocolate's temperature is between 86 and 88 degrees F and keep it at that temperature by adding and removing heat.

Dip your truffle center into the tempered chocolate
- Use a skewer or dipping fork to quickly roll the truffle center in the tempered chocolate.
- Place the chocolate-dipped spheres on clean parchment. When the chocolate has set, transfer the truffles to a sealed container.

Ready for something more complicated? Try this recipe for homemade cherry cordials.

Post-Holiday Thank You's

2010-01-08T10:08:00.000-08:00

At this time of year it can be easy to get wrapped up in the rush of the new year. No matter how busy you are though, don't let the holidays slip away without saying thank you to the family and friends who made it special.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

- Do it now! The more time that passes, the easier it will be to justify not doing it at all.

- Make it short and sweet! It doesn't need to be a novel. Just a few thoughtful sentences will do the trick.

- Make it personal. Specifically reference what you are thankful for and why. For example: "Thank you for the home beer brewing kit. I've always wanted to be my own brew master and I plan to raise a toast to you with my first creation!"

- Don't forget those closest to you! Sometimes we make the least effort for those closest to us as if close, comfortable relationships don't require overt gestures or expressions of love or gratitude. This is counter-intuitive; let those who mean the most to you know it.

To make it even easier for you, here are a few samples in the Mad Lib style found in our A Forgetful Gentleman's Guide to Articulate Writing, which is included with our Elephant Card correspondence systems.

Dear President Obama,

It was great seeing you over the Holidays at your first state dinner. Spending time in the company of such good friends such as your wife Michelle and Vice President Joe Biden meant a lot to Michelle and me. We especially appreciated the wonderful Secret Service Agents, who welcomed us with open arms and warm hearts.

Best of luck in 2010 and thank you again for your hospitality.

Sincerely,
The Salahi’s of Washington, DC

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Rafael ,

Thank you for the tennis racket for Christmas. While I still can’t go toe-to-toe with Roger Federer, your gift has certainly made me better!

You have always been so thoughtful with your gifts over the years. I am thankful not only for the used sweatbands and sweaty tennis socks, but for having you in my life.

Love Always,
Serena

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Dear Beyonce ,

I appreciate your thoughtfulness in giving me the opportunity to finish my VMA acceptance speech. It’s not everyday when something like Kanye West's jumping on stage and stealing the microphone occurs, and I appreciate your thinking of me.

With Love,
Taylor Swift

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Dear Tom Cruise,

I am still smiling about the funny story Katie told over Christmas dinner about Suri. Will your daughter ever wear Gucci again?

Thank you for your hospitality and creating such a memorable Christmas. Spending time in the company of such good friends meant a lot to me, not to mention the wonderful food you prepared. I’m still savoring the lamb now that I’m back in the cockpit of our F-14 plane.

I will always remember the 2009 holiday season with a special fondness, so thank you again.

Sincerely,
Goose

A New Year, A Different Resolution

2010-01-04T08:07:00.000-08:00

With the welcoming of a new year, and a new decade for that matter, most Americans take a few minutes to reflect on areas of their lives in which they want to improve. The US Government (http://www.USA.gov) posted last week on its’ website the ten most popular resolutions for 2010. Do any of these sound familiar?

1) Lose weight

2) Get fit

3) Manage debt

4) Save money

5) Get a better job

6) Get a better education

7) Drink less alcohol

8) Quit smoking

9) Reduce stress

10) Travel more

Ironically, recent research shows that 52% of people who make New Year’s resolutions were confident of success with their goals, only 12% actually achieved them. Despite their good intentions, people are unable to follow-through on their resolutions. This, by definition, makes the 88% that fail to achieve their resolutions forgetful gentlemen: “a modern man whose busy lifestyle often interferes with his well intentioned plans.”

Then how does a true gentleman think about New Year’s resolutions? A gentleman is constantly thinking about his actions in the context of others. He is continuously striving for self-improvement, whether it’s January or July. Improving one’s health, finances, career, education, and worldly experiences are daily occurrences for gentlemen. Therefore, the absolutes of New Year’s resolutions shouldn’t apply to gentlemen the way they do others.

So if you consider yourself a gentleman, or are striving to become one as a forgetful gentleman (like most of us are), we encourage you to make a different type of New Year’s resolution. Rather than make a typical list of New Year’s resolutions, how about asking three people in your life what their resolutions are, and then helping them achieve their goals over the course of 2010? After all, that’s the gentlemanly thing to do.

How to Wrap a Present Like a Gentleman

2009-12-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

Got the perfect gift this holiday season but struggling to get the wrapping just right? Follow these step by step instructions and your presentation will match the gift and sentiment behind it.

1. Measure out how much paper to cut
Roll out your wrapping paper—but don’t cut it yet. Place the box in the center of the unfurled paper, upside down, so the seams of the paper will end up on the bottom of the package. Bring the paper up one side and over the top of the box, all the way to the opposite edge. Estimating how much additional paper you’ll need to cover the side of the box that’s not yet covered, cut the paper.

2. Secure the paper to the box with tape
Center the box on the paper. Bring one side of the paper up the side and halfway across the top, affixing it to the box with a piece of tape.

3. Fold the other side for a cleaner edge

Before bringing the second side of paper up and over the first, create a clean seam by folding over the last half-inch or so of the paper, using your fingers to create a tight crease. Now bring this side up so it just overlaps the first one and affix with tape.
Tip: Double-sided tape can be used for a cleaner look.

4. Fold the paper on each side of the present
Starting on one end, fold down the top flap onto the side of the box, creating two little wings at the side. Flatten those in against the box, then fold the remaining triangle of paper up against the box. Fasten it in place with tape.

5. Stand the box up and repeat folding to the other side
Set your box on end, with the side you just worked on facing down, and repeat step 6 on the opposite end.

For a gentlemanly touch, we recommend eschewing brightly colored, traditional wrapping paper and going with brown kraft paper and twine for a classic, masculine package that evokes the nostalgia of times past.

Creative Ideas for Delivering Handwritten Correspondence

2009-12-06T17:08:00.000-08:00

Last week we introduced the idea of re-engaging with the 4,000 year old art of the written word in today's impersonal, digital age. We had some nice responses to our "6 Ways to Engage" and so this week we've decided to expand on one of those points by offering a few more creative ways to deliver your handwritten notes.

1. Taped to the bathroom mirror to be found in the morning.
2. On the driver's seat, under the windshield wiper or tucked into the sun visor of the recipient's car.
3. In the person's dresser, tucked under a few layers of clothes as a nice surprise to be found later.
4. On top of the alarm clock, covering the snooze button.
5. Nestled into a tray with breakfast in bed.
6. Slipped into the Chinese or pizza delivery bag.
7. Taped to the screen a closed laptop, to be found when the computer is opened.
8. Inside a packed lunch for work or school.
9. Replace the person's bookmark with your letter in the book they are currently reading.
10. Slipped into the person's luggage before a trip.
11. In the refrigerator.
12. On the refrigerator.
13. Inside a purse, briefcase, or gym bag.
14. Under the pillow.
15. In the recipient's jacket pocket.

Do you have any ideas to add? Let us know by leaving a comment below!

An Ode to Handwritten Correspondence: Why True Gentlemen Master the Craft

2009-11-27T05:15:00.000-08:00

In 1929, at the height of its usage, 20 million telegrams were sent worldwide. The world’s population stood at 1.5 billion people. Today, with a world population of 6 billion people, roughly 600 million emails are sent every ten minutes. Given the explosion in the speed and sheer volume of communication today, is it any surprise that while communication is easier than ever, it is also increasingly impersonal and ineffective? We are inherently social, relational beings, and technology dehumanizes many aspects of our relationships. We, the original forgetful gentlemen, think it’s time to consider the need for a revival of slower, more thoughtfully considered and ultimately, more personal communication.

In the Museum of the Ancient Orient in Istanbul, sits the world’s oldest love poem. Carved into a clay tablet, the cuneiform script exclaims “Bridegroom, you have taken pleasure of me, you have captivated me: let me stand trembling before you.” Love may not be forever, but this expression of it has outlasted swords forged by fire, cities designed by the finest architects, the largest machine ever to fly and the most titanic boat ever to sail. To write his verse, the poet would have had to compose the lines in his head or recite them to a friend. Then he would have molded the clay tablet and slowly, but deliberately, carved the verse into it with a reed staff before the clay hardened. Finally, he would have dried the poem in the sun and waited another day for it to cool, when it could be delivered to his beloved by hand.

I love this mental picture of the young Sumerian hunched over his clay tablet because it reminds me of the fact that certain expressions benefit from careful deliberation. Love, of course, but so too regret, longing, forgiveness, curiosity, anger, etc. Communication – the conveyance of meaning from one person to the next – depends on how we frame it. The second-most important question we must face, after choosing to communicate at all, becomes how to deliver what we want to say. In the same way that a smiley face or “LOL” can never replace the sight of an actual smile or convey the uplifting sound of a friend’s laughter, an email, text message, Facebook post or tweet can never compare with the emotional connection created by the tactile feel of paper inscribed by distinctive handwriting with a thoughtful message written only for you.

When we choose to take the time to write, we choose to embrace a deeply personal medium with a 4,000-year-old history. One that expresses the sentiment often left unexpressed through digital communication. Your handwriting reflects your personality. Stationery enhances the emotional connection of the occasion. From selecting a card to adhering its stamp, the exercise demands a personal focus that every recipient can appreciate. The thoughtful expression of a handwritten note captures warm occasions and great milestones as tangible memories through passing time. And can anything compare with the joy of discovering a personalized letter or card waiting in the mailbox?

As you join us in our rediscovery of the lost art of handwritten correspondence, we are sure that you’ll find a satisfaction that the Internet with all its “social” networks simply can’t match. As John Freeman puts it in his book The Tyranny of E-Mail,

“The difference between typing an e-mail and writing a letter or memo out by hand is akin to walking on concrete versus strolling on grass. You forget how natural it feels until you do it again.”

Here are a few easy ways to get started:

1. Two-four-six-eight, who do you appreciate? The best place to start is by simply thanking someone for their kindness or generosity. By recognizing someone else’s positive intentions, you are encouraging more thoughtful behavior and creating a virtuous cycle of thoughtfulness.

2. Keep your message short and sweet. Just because you aren’t Shakespeare (yet) doesn’t mean you shouldn’t express yourself. Often times a single, concise sentence can be more powerful than hundreds of words.

3. Invest in finely-crafted stationery. Quality paper heightens your experience in the same way excellent wine, delicious food, a well-built car, or fine fabric does in other areas of life. The art of crafting a handwritten note is an experience you should enjoy.

4. Good pens go a long way. The feel of a fine pen striking quality stationery will inspire you to do it again and again.

5. Just because. You don’t always need a specific occasion like a birthday or holiday to write a note. Often times the best handwritten notes are written on a whim, simply because you are thinking about someone else at a point in time.

6. Make it a special surprise. If your loved one is going away on a business trip, hide a note in her luggage so she will think fondly of you despite being thousands of miles away. If someone has had a rough couple of days, deliver the note in person to their doorstep.

This post is influenced by and borrows from John Freeman’s excellent book, The Tyranny of E-Mail. If any of this has resonated with you, we strongly recommend you read it.